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It's All About Sex

So, the poser for this week from Oscar Wilde, and is:
Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.
Now, I only really half agree with this; specifically, the "Everything in the world is about sex" bit. 

By way of example, many years ago, a female friend and I were enjoying a meal and each other's company in an Italian restaurant. We would go on to further enjoy each other's company afterwards, but that's another story.  A couple of tables over from us, a much younger couple were doing pretty much the same thing as us, and I suspect with similar apr├Ęs-meal inclinations; but again, I digress.

They weren't close enough to overhear but it was clear that the air between them was more than slightly flirtatious. This was emphasised when, as tends to happen, the waiter approached with a pepper grinder and, presumably, asked if the meal required seasoning. Words were said, giggles were giggled, the regular sized pepper grinder was disposed of and the waiter walked over to the shelf, picked up the largest grinder (which must have been over a metre in length and about 15cm in diameter and, to the accompaniment of more giggling, proceeded to twist the grinder to dispense the required seasoning.

At the time, I remarked to my dinner partner that “Everything always comes down to sex.”

The truth is, that this is very much the case. Even when procreation is rarely the aim, the mating urge is a powerful driving force in animal (particularly including human) behaviour. The result is that sex is everywhere; it is in our media, in the films and TV programmes we watch, it is used to sell us things, it is there to continually remind us that we should be having sex. Phallic and vulvic imagery surround us both literally in the form of art (including porn) and suggestively in just about every other aspect of life. And because we are constantly bombarded by suggestion, our reaction to it runs the full gamut from mildly amused, through aroused, all the way to deeply irritated and, in some instances, totally indifferent. As humans, we are highly sexual creatures and we see the sexual in just about everything. From an evolutionary survival of the species perspective, the fact that humans find sex, sexy and that in turn makes us desire to have even more sex was a particularly useful trick to pull (albeit the environmental impact that we have may suggest that it was a bit too successful).

So, on to the second, “Sex is about power” bit. Here, I must confess, I’m mot so sure. I can only speak to my own experiences but, irrespective of whatever Dominant tendencies in a D/s sense I may have, I have never felt in anyway that I was exerting any form of power when engaging in any form of sexual activity; whether that be in a D/s or vanilla context.

So, OK, sex, as I say is a powerful driving force and so are those of attraction, desire, arousal and passion. For me, however, while sex may be an expression of those emotions, it is about the intimacy and mutual enjoyment of that expression, not about any form of power of one participant over another. Granted, the taste of a woman’s cunt has power to make me insatiable, the skill with which she uses her mouth to suck my cock has the power to make me go weak at the knees, the act of us fucking has the power to lose us in the intense depths of its emotional maelstrom, but those are effects; neither I nor my partner are wielding power, but yet we are both subject to sex’s powerful, primal force.

In this respect, while I concede the power that sex has, sex is itself, about sex; it is where the mental suggestion gives way to and becomes embodied with the physical. It’s where we connect with the most primal part of our being. Sex, to me, is not about power, but is about the most exquisite loss of control as we surrender to our basest selves.