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Showing posts from 2020

Not So Social

My usage of Social Media, and by which I really mean Twitter as that is the only platform this side of my personality uses tends to ebb and flow with my mood . I have mentioned before how it can be both my safe place and somewhere that can be a source of pain. The most frequent cause of pain being when users sometimes forget that when they embark on one of their keyboard crusades, they are actually dealing with real people with real emotions and real feelings, not just a faceless entity sat at another screen whom they will never meet. Social media can be a wonderful tool for bringing people together, but it can also be a weapon of horrifying divisiveness, when self-appointed champions of whatever cause the believe in stir up their cohorts of followers into a frothing mob, directing their ire upon those whom they feel have wronged them. Sadly, the more tolerant, supportive side and inclusive of twitter is all too easily consumed by the nastier, hurtful side; the side that is convinced

Home Truths

WARNING: This post will almost certainly upset/annoy some people and, for once, I make no apology for this. The past few days have resulted in a lot of reflection and soul-searching and have resulted in me reaching a number of sad but, with hindsight, inevitable conclusions. The sex blogging community was one that I was proud to be an active part of. Its ideals of openness, inclusiveness, support and understanding were ones that I admired. The more observant among you will have noticed that the above was phrased in the past tense. This phrasing is very much deliberate. The problem, that I have come to realise and that the past 18 months or so has made increasingly obvious, is that this "community" of ours, while espousing  many noble aims and ideals, is fundamentally flawed. Given that it is a community made up of humans with our capacity for intolerance, for causing pain, to take offence, to victimise, to abuse and to blame others, this was, sadly, an inevitability. I'm

Word For Wednesday - Lustful

Lustful /(ˈlʌstfʊl)/ adjective full of or motivated by lust, greed, or the like. having strong sexual desires; lecherous; libidinous. archaic: vigorous or lusty. It's a feeling; a strong, overwhelming urge that goes beyond simple desire or passion. It is that deep craving, then need to take pleasure from and with another person. When that person is absent, thoughts of what you would do if you had them there in person consume you. When you are together, it is the expression of your desire and hunger for each other. Lust is classically the first of the deadly sins, uppermost in the list of cardinal vices, and perhaps rightly so; for it taps into one of our most basic, primal drives: the urge to mate. Of course, in humans, the vast majority of sexual activity is for recreational rather than reproductive reasons, but that doesn't change the basic drive behind it.  We engage in sex, because we enjoy sex, we revel in the physical, emotional and (possibly depending

Darkness And Exercise

This week we have been given the following nugget from Brene Brown to ponder: Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light. As someone who has written openly about their mental health and struggles with depression on many occasions, the concept of " Darkness " is one I am all too familiar with; and that darkness takes many forms. First the is the darkness of mood; that feeling of oppressiveness that shrouds every aspect of my life. It goes far beyond unhappiness, reaching towards despair; a longing for the darkness of oblivion.   Then there is the darkness of thought; the negativity that is never far away. It forms itself in the belief that one is without worth, a failure. It tells us that there is no point trying as we won't succeed and that that will only make us feel worse. It is the ever present thought that we are always wrong, our opinions don't count, that no one even takes our illness seriously (assu


The topic to ponder this week is: Dominants tend to be the “Alpha Male”, and that is why “Dom” is always spelled with a capital, while “sub” is always lowercase. Now, it does seem to be something of an accepted convention, but does that make it true? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that it isn't.  I will caveat that by saying that this is simply how I apply this to me. In my stories, I do tend to follow the convention. If the submissive addresses their dominant with terms such as "Sir" or "Master", then I will generally capitalise for the sake of showing it is a D/s relationship I am describing. In my own relationships, however, I'm much less "formal". I've never insisted that someone who has consented to submit to me calls me by any honorific; should they wish to bestow one upon me, that is up to them and they are free to use the appellation that best suits their own needs for the dynamic. Should that person eve

Word For Wendesday - Weakness

Weakness /week-nis/ noun the state or quality of being weak; lack of strength, firmness, vigour, or the like; feebleness. an inadequate or defective quality, as in a person's character; slight fault or defect. a self-indulgent liking or special fondness, as for a particular thing. an object of special desire; something very difficult to resist. There is a particular quote, often ascribed to Freud, which goes: Depression is not a sign of weakness - it is a sign that you were trying to be strong too long It's a quote that, while I appreciate the sentiment, I often struggle with; not so much the part about it not being a sign of weakness, but the part about trying to be strong. There is a stigma surrounding depression and mental health issues more generally. Things have improved in the three and a half decades during which I have lived with my condition, but there is still a long way to go. It first manifested when I was around 15/16. I didn&

It's All About Sex

So, the poser for this week from Oscar Wilde, and is: Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power. Now, I only really half agree with this; specifically, the " Everything in the world is about sex " bit.  By way of example, many years ago, a female friend and I were enjoying a meal and each other's company in an Italian restaurant. We would go on to further enjoy each other's company afterwards, but that's another story.  A couple of tables over from us, a much younger couple were doing pretty much the same thing as us, and I suspect with similar après-meal inclinations; but again, I digress. They weren't close enough to overhear but it was clear that the air between them was more than slightly flirtatious. This was emphasised when, as tends to happen, the waiter approached with a pepper grinder and, presumably, asked if the meal required seasoning. Words were said, giggles were giggled, the regular sized pepper grinder w

Word for Wednesday - Open

Open /oh-puh n/ adjective not closed or barred noun to become open to afford access My chosen word this week ties in with this week's " Quote Quest " prompt which is: And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~ Sylvia Plath Now, this is something I agree with. As bloggers, and particularly as sex-bloggers, we tend to be open about things (possibly to the point of oversharing sometimes) that many people find uncomfortable discussing.  We talk freely about our turn-ons and turn-offs, we talk about our kinks and fetishes, we discuss our relationships in great and (sometimes literally) painful detail. on the whole, I believe this is a good thing. The thing about being open though, is that it cuts both ways. If you are comfortable expressing your opinions on subjects, you need to be open to the fact that some peop

TMI Tuesday: July 21, 2020 - Random

I haven't done one of these in a very long time, so here goes... What movie can you watch over and over and never tire? I think you can get tired of any movie if you watch it often enough. In my youth, I watched "Restless Natives" (a film about a pair of Scottish "highwaymen" he dress up as a clown and a wolf-man and hold up buses of tourists in the Highlands) so often I could quote it almost verbatim. It really is a mood thing. Films in my "most watched" list tend to be either genre classics like Alien/Aliens or in the "so shit they're brilliant" category like Dodgeball or Kingsmen. Who is someone you only met once but they left a big impression on you? Former Scotland Rugby captain, David Sole. I was amazed how such a "giant" on the field could be such a humble and unassuming guy off it. It was one of those, if I didn't recognise him from his on field performances, I'd probably never even have noticed he was in th

Here's Watching You...

I may have mentioned that I enjoy all aspects of the great outdoors; and when I say "all", that does include having sex . I think it's fair to say I have a bit of an exhibitionist streak (all puns intended), and such activities do, irrespective of whether I'm actually being observed or not, feed that side of my personality. The thing about about al fresco fornication is not that you are being observed, it's the fact that by doing out there in the open , there is the chance that you might be observed. I would go as far as to say that the " near miss " possibly gives more of an edge to the proceedings than actually being caught does. I can only recall one instance where I can, with a reasonable degree of certainty, be certain that I was caught in the act. It was a particular warm, late summer/early autumn afternoon, we were walking through a forest trail somewhere in the Scottish Borders and the mood just came upon us. We left the reasonably we

Under False Colours

This is a follow-up to a post by fellow male blogger/writer Exhibit A following the admission by the blogger, Sorcha Rowan that they are, in fact, a man. Part of the rationale for their actions that "Sorcha" gives is that they felt people would take his work less seriously if the knew it was written by a man. Exhibit A does a good job of debunking the arguments presented, so I'm not going to replicate those here, since my own views largely concur, but I did think I would share the results of an experiment I conducted on Literotica   a number of years ago. I first dabbled in writing erotica because I had read some truly awful male POV erotica on Literotica that might as well have been a description of a man using a sex doll rather than having sex with an actual other person and I was convinced I could do a better job. The result was that I have always tried to make all participants in my scenes be actual humans, regardless of gender; recognising that all partic

"Good" subs Don't Use Safe Words

So, the opinion up for debate is thus: I accept it, if the sub wants a safeword. But a good sub knows that she/he shall not use it. The moment I read it, I wanted to yell at someone. I mean, I kind of get it; the submissive should always feel safe enough in their D/s dynamic that they should probably never feel the need to use it. But to imply that a "good" submissive won't use it takes this too far. Now, I admit I'm coming from this from my own perspective and D/s experience. That is, after all, the only perspective I am qualified to comment on. In any D/s dynamic that I have been involved in, it is true that the submissive has never had to use a safe word with me.  Partially it's because I'm not "that" kind of Dominant; I'm not seeking to take someone to the absolute edge of endurance. For me, a simple "no" or "stop" suffices unless it has been agreed in advance that I should ignore such pleadings. In such a scenar

Who/What Am I?

Dom? Master? Sir? Poly? Currently Celibate? Technically all are terms or labels that could be used, with varying degrees of accuracy. I haven't really been actively involved in the D/s scene for quite a while. It's probably not unreasonable to describe me as being somewhat of a Dominant in nature, but what does "Dominant" mean? Well, of course, it means different things to different people and those who identify as a Dominant will do so in ways they feel apply to them, their particular personality traits, their circumstances and, most importantly, the dynamic of their relationship. I've mentioned this before , but I think it bears repeating because there are still people who peddle all sorts of shite about D/s dynamics but there is no one right way to do D/s . What works for me, may or may not work for anyone else. What works for someone else may or may not work for me. Yes, things like: Discipline, Punishment, Control and Rules may be part of the D


It may, or perhaps may not, come as a surprise to people reading this, that confidence is not a characteristic that I am particularly well endowed with. I can fake it fairly convincingly when the circumstance requires it, but self-belief is not one of my more abundant qualities. I am socially awkward, I can be painfully shy, I detest confrontation and yet, I work in a job that requires me to project an air of efficient competency every day. To say this causes me a lot of stress is an understatement. Keeping a mask on, all day, every day, becomes extremely wearing. Almost perversely, the current COVID-19 pandemic with its required physical distancing has provided me with a certain degree of respite. The people I deal with are now simply on the other end of a telephone call or, when it can't be avoided, a video link. I can let the mask slip a little and it affords me an element of respite. Much of it, as it so often does, comes down to my mental health. Self-doubt al

New Home

  So, I've decided to take the plunge and bring my blog back to life. Well, I say that, but it will only be the written parts; my stories, poems, thoughts and feelings, but I'm no longer posting photos of myself; those are consigned to history and to the memories of those who have seen them. I'm not entirely sure how often, or even if , I will update this blog, but at least my old content will be here for you to refer to should you so desire. Take care KW

Word for Wednesday - Intimacy

Intimacy /ˈɪntɪməsɪ/ noun a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history, etc. an act or expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection, or the like . an amorously familiar act; liberty. sexual intercourse. As can be seen by the dictionary definition; the word “intimacy” has several meanings, some of which are sexual in nature, others are not. For me, and I suspect many people, intimacy takes on may forms. It isn’t all about sex. It isn’t necessarily even about love. It is, in my opinion, about the different levels of connection that one person has with one, or more other people. For the purposes of this post, I’m going to restrict myself to intimacy with a single person, but I suspect many of the areas I will cover could apply more widely. For me, intimacy is the connection, of minds as well as bodies and the are a number of different components that come into play; all of them interactin

TMI Tuesday: January 7, 2020 - Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! What is the most useless thing you know how to do? I can wiggle my ears. It’s not so much a case of knowing how to do it as simply something I am physically capable of doing. Do you use sex to relieve stress? How? Not really. I like to enjoy and fully engage in the sex that I am having. Being stressed prevents me from doing that so I suspect that I’m less likely to have sex when stressed rather than use it to relieve stress.  That said, I do believe that a healthy sex life is an essential part of maintaining a proper life balance, so while sex may not be used as stress relief, at can help prevent, or at the very least minimise, stress. What sex act or position did not thrill you until you tried it? I can’t say that there are any. Generally speaking it’s more likely that I’ve tried something and then thought, ‘nah, don’t need to do that again’. Generally, I’m open to most things, but there are a few, what you might call “fall back” or “default” positions that ju

Quality, Not Quantity

In 2019 I had a wank. That’s right, “a” wank: singular, solitary, just the one. If anyone is interested, it was in November. If you want to be particularly specific, it was on November 27 th . It was very good; I enjoyed it a lot; I may even be tempted to have another one some time, but there’s no particular rush. Those of you who have followed this blog for some time will know the reasons why this was such a note-worthy and memorable event. Those who haven’t, can find out by reading this post . Suffice to say, that it was one of those rare occasions where everything aligned: I was in the mood, I felt suitably aroused/stimulated and, most importantly, I had the inclination/could be arsed, to take things in hand and see if it would actually be worth the effort. As it turned out, it was; which if you read the post I linked to, is not something that can never be taken for granted and is largely the reason why the above alignment of circumstances happen so rarely. I’d had a shower