- You have been separated from your significant other for six months. An attractive, attentive neighbour has paid you flattering attention. It is obvious he/she wishes to take the relationship further. Do you:
a. Dismiss him/her, you’re in a committed relationship.
b. Continue to flirt, but go no further.
c. Fantasize about him/her, but take care of your sexual needs solo.
d. Let the affair become physical.
I think what needs to be looked at first is the reason behind the separation. If it’s because the relationship has come to an end, then there is no reason to not let things develop as they may. If you are separated by circumstance, e.g. it’s a long distance relationship or the other person spends a significant amount of time away from home due to work, then really it comes down to the dynamic of the relationship. I’ve covered this before, but I have no problem with flirting, and what goes on in my head, really stays in my head. As to whether or not I would allow things to move beyond flirting to the physical, that would depend on what was “allowed” within the dynamic of the relationship I was in. If we were non-monogamous, then fine; if we were exclusive, then flirting and fantasy would be as far as I would take it.
- A male co-worker whom you have heard is great in bed and very well endowed has been flirting with you a lot. He obviously wishes to start a relationship. Do you:
(This question is for women AND men).
a. Make it clear to him you’re not interested.
b. Flirt with him but go no further
c. Mentally undress him and wonder what he’d be like in bed.
d. Let the relationship become sexual.
As a straight male with absolutely no sexual inclination towards my own gender, this would fall into the “Thanks, but no thanks” category.
- Your significant other is impotent most of the time, showing little interest in you and little interest in being sexual. Do you:
a. Resign yourself to no sex.
b. Satisfy your needs with masturbation
c. Find someone who can satisfy you sexually but remain with your significant other
d. Leave him or her
Again, this is one that would depend on the dynamic of the relationship. There would have to be something fundamentally wrong with the relationship before I would leave them; and that is irrespective of the sex. When my marriage broke down, the sex continued even when everything else had fallen by the way side. A lot would come down to the importance I put on my sexual needs. Because of my depression, these are often not especially high, so the fact that a partner’s needs may similarly be low may cause no issue at all.
- The last time you and your mate had sex, were you:
a. Concentrating mostly on him/her, and you didn’t even orgasm
b. Thinking about your pleasure and theirs.
c. Concentrating mainly on your own pleasure.
d. Used his/her body as a tool to reach your own orgasm.
Whenever I have sex with someone, it is almost always a combination of a. and d. I like to think I am a considerate and attentive partner and much of my pleasure is derived from the pleasure I am giving my partner. There does, however, almost inevitably come a point where the primal takes over and sex becomes reduced to a basic animal drive towards climax. The important thing for me is to concentrate on satisfying my partner before the animal takes over.
- What kind of partner do you prefer while making love or having sex?
a. Tender, loving, slow and sweeet
b. I don’t care, just do me; it’s been a while
c. Tough, take-charge, I like it a little rough
d. Any lovin’ is good lovin’
If you’ve read this blog for any period of time, you almost certainly know how I will answer this. It all comes down to mood and circumstances. Sometimes I like to play hard and rough, at others I like it slow and gentle. On other occasions, I like it to start slow and build in intensity. While I identify as Dominant and like to be in control, sometimes I like it when the other person takes the lead. It all comes down to what is right in that moment.