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Women On Top

Kink of The WeekI suspect that it’s pretty fair to say that the subject of Female Domination is not one I know much, if indeed anything, about. There is, of course, a very good reason for this: while, in a D/s setting, I may identify as “a Dominant”, I am, very obviously, not a woman. I have also never experienced domination from the perspective of the one being dominated, i.e. the submissive.

My only “experience” with fem-domme comes through the imagery of porn and, if I’m being completely honest, such imagery tends to leave me more than a little cold.

Partially, it is because of my on identification; I simply cannot put myself in the position of the male in the scene. The other, for me at least, off-putting aspect is the imagery itself.

Discipline, particularly in the form of corporal punishment, features quite heavily in D/s porn. The Dominant may have the submissive over their knee and be administering a spanking. Alternatively a belt or a cane or some other implement may be used. The bottom of the recipient of the discipline may be covered or bare as fits with the scene being portrayed.

While the subject maybe the same irrespective of whether the Dominant is male or female, the subtext in which it is set is often at completely opposite ends of the spectrum. In male-Dominant/female-submissive imagery, there is frequently (not always I concede) an air of respect between the participants. The submissive has committed some transgression and respectfully accepts the consequences; the Dominant administers the chastisement in a way that depicts it as being a form of direction rather than correction, there is an air of guiding the submissive back to the correct path for their own growth and protection. In female-Dominant/male submissive imagery, the dynamic is frequently one of humiliation; the male with his penis in some sort of chastity device, grovelling at the feet of his Dominatrix Mistress. He may be required to lick her boots or maybe she is applying a stiletto heel to a particularly tender part of his anatomy.

There is, I hasten to add, nothing wrong with either set of images. Each of us have our own tastes and these are influenced to a greater or lesser extent by the way we identify ourselves. For me, whereas I can “see” myself in and relate to the former depictions in a way that interests and arouses me, I simply cannot connect with the latter; the situation is not one I can place myself in even at the most basic level of intellectual curiosity, and so it turns me off.

I should make clear, for anyone for whom female Domination is a thing, I am in no way criticising your tastes and/ or appetites. This is very much a case of “your kink is not my kink” and that’s fine because the reverse is probably also true.

Accepting differences is part of being inclusive and being inclusive is, I happen to think, a big part of what this community is about. This isn’t my thing, but that’s not important. What is important is that if it’s your thing, then embrace it and enjoy it.