Self Indulgence

I have referred to my masturbatory “dry-spell” before. For reasons due to my depression and the medicine I take to control it, attempting to provide myself with a little “personal relief” all to often results in causing more frustration than it alleviates. Such being the case, it is something I have more or less given up on, as effort and frustration far outweighs any benefit I may derive from it.

In those days when I was much more inclined, I always used my hands. It is, I suppose, entirely possible that toy use could help alleviate my current masturbatory reticence, but I suspect I will never know for sure. I’m not knocking the use of male masturbation aids; I know that many men find them highly enjoyable, they are, however, just not my thing.

While I have often enjoyed watching partners masturbate; for me, doing it myself has almost always been a private pleasure. This isn’t so much a personal preference on my part; more that the partners I have had have almost invariably preferred to be actively involved in my pleasure rather than watch me pleasure myself.

I’ve never had any particular tips or tricks. I don’t generally indulge in fantasy. For me it has always been sufficient to just lie back and enjoy the sensations; from bringing myself to erection, through the slow teasing and varied pace and pressure, ultimately to the exquisite pain/pleasure of release. The cycle of arousal and then repeated denial before finally allowing climax has always been enough for me. I have employed what almost amounts to a form of masturbatory mindfulness; being aware of my deepened breathing, my heightened heart rate, the increased tension in my body, all of them building until surge of orgasm resets the balance.

KW