So, this teaser was posted on Twitter recently:
Would you stay in a sexual relationship if oral sex was totally off the table”
At a first glance, this seems like a very simple question, but give it some thought, and there are all sorts of ramifications behind it.
Firstly, there is the nature and context of the “sexual relationship” itself.
For me, sex is about what pleases both partners. If the sex was part of a deeper emotional relationship, then the absence of oral sex possibly wouldn’t really be a factor. If that were the deal breaker within the relationship, then it would have to be in a pretty bad place to begin with.
A good sex life is an important factor in a committed relationship, but it is only one factor. There are so many other things that are equally or more important, such us the emotional support you give each other. So, in this context, if oral sex was off the cards and, assuming every other aspect of the relationship (including the actual sexual activities we did enjoy) were fine, then yes, I would stay. In the same way, oral sex is only one component of a sex life. For me, it is quite an important factor (I’ll go into this in more detail later), but it is only one. There are many other activities that can be combined to make a full and enjoyable sexual encounter. The presence or absence of any one of them probably isn’t a factor as it is all about what feels right and good in the moment and in the context of that encounter. So, in this context, if oral sex was off the cards and, assuming every other aspect of the relationship (including the actual sexual activities we did enjoy)
If on the other hand, the relationship was purely casual, purely about the sex then, since oral sex (particularly giving – but again, more of that later) is something that I particularly enjoy, then I suspect the relationship would not be sufficiently satisfying for me to stay in it.
Then, of course, there is the issue of whether by oral sex being off the cards, we are referring to giving, receiving, or both.
I’m a guy. It goes without saying that I do love getting a blow-job and, as the old adage goes, even the worst one I’ve ever had was fantastic. Having said that however, when it comes to oral sex, giving is actually far more important to me than receiving.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love getting my cock sucked. If the woman I am with offers to suck my cock, it is unlikely in the extreme that I am going to refuse her. I love the sensations and I love the intimacy, but when all is said and done, my penis enjoys any form of stimulation that the woman I’m having sex with bestows upon it.
Cunnilingus is, however, one of my favourite things. I’ve been complimented enough on my abilities to consider it one of my sexual talents. As a lover, so much of my sexual pleasure derives from the pleasure I am giving my partner and, at the risk of sounding big-headed, I’ve never been with someone who didn’t enjoy my tongue.
I enjoy sex, all of sex, but if I know that the woman I’m with is enjoying it, I enjoy it even more; it’s a sort of virtuous circle. The more she enjoys it, the more I enjoy it, the harder I work to ensure she enjoys it even more.
In this respect, if a relationship that is purely just about the sex, is ever going to be more than just a one-off, if she’s not a fan of giving head, I can probably live with it, if she doesn’t like receiving it, then it is cutting off a major source of my enjoyment of sex and so, it’s probably never going to go anywhere.
Yes, maybe that sounds a bit shallow, but life is short and sex is meant to be enjoyed by both participants, and we can’t all be sexually compatible with everybody.
So, back to the original question, would I stay in a sexual relationship if oral sex was of the cards?
The simple answer is, it depends on the relationship.