TMI Tuesday - The Psychology of Sex

The Psychology of Sex

1. For you, can sex be separated from love?
   Yes. Absolutely. Sex within the context of a loving relationship can add an extra layer of intimacy and feeling to it, but at the end of the day, sex and desire are simply physical responses. Combining them can be fantastic, but it is not essential. I haven’t had sex with everyone I have loved and neither have I loved everyone I have had sex with


2. Can sex be separated from caring?
   Again, yes it can. I’m fairly certain that people who commit sexual assault do not care about their victims.


3. Does sex seem to be something that you can never get enough of and are constantly seeking or thinking about?
   No. Well, I’ll caveat that. Maybe not so much in my 40s as I did in my late teens and 20s. It’s not something I give much conscious thought to at all, and I’m happy with the amount I get.  That’s not to say I wouldn’t gladly have more, but it’s not something I lose sleep over (apart from when I’m actually “losing sleep” doing it).


4. Is sex secondary to intimacy, physical closeness, and commitment?
   I’d say Yes and No. Sex is just one form of intimacy, along with physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, etc. To have a rounded relationship, you need to be intimate on all levels. In the context of “a relationship” it’s maybe not so much a case of primary/secondary as being part of the overall mix that will wax and wane in importance depending on circumstance. In a purely sexual encounter, the other forms of intimacy probably don’t even enter into the equation.


5. Who is more discriminating in choosing sexual partners–you or your significant other?
   Since we chose each other, we’re probably as good/bad at discriminating as each other. You could argue that my taste in women is impeccable whereas her taste in men is bloody awful…

Bonus: Who is more likely to take on additional sexual partners, you or your significant other? In a non-mono/poly set up, I suspect it’s probably pretty much even. The key is that it’s out there in the open and that, as in so many things, whether you are poly or mono, trust and honest are the key factors.

KW