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Talking about sex can be a big deal. Not for me, so much; I’ve always found it fairly easy to talk about the things I like, and the things I’m less keen on. In the main, most of my partners haven’t been backward about coming forward about such things either. Most, not all.

When both partners are able to talk quite openly about the things they like/dislike/want/need, it’s quite easy. When both partners are thoroughly acquainted with each other’s bodies, it can be easier still. You already know what they like, they know what you like, and sometimes all the “communication” that’s needed are those noises you make when someone is doing something you really enjoy them doing to you.

It’s slightly harder when the other person is less comfortable about such things. In these situations, I’ve always tried to “ease” things along with a gentle interrogation; trying something then asking if they like it/if it’s OK.

It’s not always easy; although mostly, as I say, I’ve been fortunate in this respect, but it does pay dividends. For me, a great part of my own enjoyment comes from knowing that the other person is enjoying what I’m doing; those little questions eliciting feedback let me know that I’m on the right track; that I’m doing something she actually enjoys rather than is enduring because she thinks I’m enjoying it.

That’s not to say that I want some sort of ongoing running commentary, but I’m always open to suggestion.