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Not So Social

My usage of Social Media, and by which I really mean Twitter as that is the only platform this side of my personality uses tends to ebb and flow with my mood . I have mentioned before how it can be both my safe place and somewhere that can be a source of pain. The most frequent cause of pain being when users sometimes forget that when they embark on one of their keyboard crusades, they are actually dealing with real people with real emotions and real feelings, not just a faceless entity sat at another screen whom they will never meet. Social media can be a wonderful tool for bringing people together, but it can also be a weapon of horrifying divisiveness, when self-appointed champions of whatever cause the believe in stir up their cohorts of followers into a frothing mob, directing their ire upon those whom they feel have wronged them. Sadly, the more tolerant, supportive side and inclusive of twitter is all too easily consumed by the nastier, hurtful side; the side that is convinced
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Home Truths

WARNING: This post will almost certainly upset/annoy some people and, for once, I make no apology for this. The past few days have resulted in a lot of reflection and soul-searching and have resulted in me reaching a number of sad but, with hindsight, inevitable conclusions. The sex blogging community was one that I was proud to be an active part of. Its ideals of openness, inclusiveness, support and understanding were ones that I admired. The more observant among you will have noticed that the above was phrased in the past tense. This phrasing is very much deliberate. The problem, that I have come to realise and that the past 18 months or so has made increasingly obvious, is that this "community" of ours, while espousing  many noble aims and ideals, is fundamentally flawed. Given that it is a community made up of humans with our capacity for intolerance, for causing pain, to take offence, to victimise, to abuse and to blame others, this was, sadly, an inevitability. I'm

Word For Wednesday - Lustful

Lustful /(ˈlʌstfʊl)/ adjective full of or motivated by lust, greed, or the like. having strong sexual desires; lecherous; libidinous. archaic: vigorous or lusty. It's a feeling; a strong, overwhelming urge that goes beyond simple desire or passion. It is that deep craving, then need to take pleasure from and with another person. When that person is absent, thoughts of what you would do if you had them there in person consume you. When you are together, it is the expression of your desire and hunger for each other. Lust is classically the first of the deadly sins, uppermost in the list of cardinal vices, and perhaps rightly so; for it taps into one of our most basic, primal drives: the urge to mate. Of course, in humans, the vast majority of sexual activity is for recreational rather than reproductive reasons, but that doesn't change the basic drive behind it.  We engage in sex, because we enjoy sex, we revel in the physical, emotional and (possibly depending

Darkness And Exercise

This week we have been given the following nugget from Brene Brown to ponder: Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light. As someone who has written openly about their mental health and struggles with depression on many occasions, the concept of " Darkness " is one I am all too familiar with; and that darkness takes many forms. First the is the darkness of mood; that feeling of oppressiveness that shrouds every aspect of my life. It goes far beyond unhappiness, reaching towards despair; a longing for the darkness of oblivion.   Then there is the darkness of thought; the negativity that is never far away. It forms itself in the belief that one is without worth, a failure. It tells us that there is no point trying as we won't succeed and that that will only make us feel worse. It is the ever present thought that we are always wrong, our opinions don't count, that no one even takes our illness seriously (assu


The topic to ponder this week is: Dominants tend to be the “Alpha Male”, and that is why “Dom” is always spelled with a capital, while “sub” is always lowercase. Now, it does seem to be something of an accepted convention, but does that make it true? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that it isn't.  I will caveat that by saying that this is simply how I apply this to me. In my stories, I do tend to follow the convention. If the submissive addresses their dominant with terms such as "Sir" or "Master", then I will generally capitalise for the sake of showing it is a D/s relationship I am describing. In my own relationships, however, I'm much less "formal". I've never insisted that someone who has consented to submit to me calls me by any honorific; should they wish to bestow one upon me, that is up to them and they are free to use the appellation that best suits their own needs for the dynamic. Should that person eve

Word For Wendesday - Weakness

Weakness /week-nis/ noun the state or quality of being weak; lack of strength, firmness, vigour, or the like; feebleness. an inadequate or defective quality, as in a person's character; slight fault or defect. a self-indulgent liking or special fondness, as for a particular thing. an object of special desire; something very difficult to resist. There is a particular quote, often ascribed to Freud, which goes: Depression is not a sign of weakness - it is a sign that you were trying to be strong too long It's a quote that, while I appreciate the sentiment, I often struggle with; not so much the part about it not being a sign of weakness, but the part about trying to be strong. There is a stigma surrounding depression and mental health issues more generally. Things have improved in the three and a half decades during which I have lived with my condition, but there is still a long way to go. It first manifested when I was around 15/16. I didn&

It's All About Sex

So, the poser for this week from Oscar Wilde, and is: Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power. Now, I only really half agree with this; specifically, the " Everything in the world is about sex " bit.  By way of example, many years ago, a female friend and I were enjoying a meal and each other's company in an Italian restaurant. We would go on to further enjoy each other's company afterwards, but that's another story.  A couple of tables over from us, a much younger couple were doing pretty much the same thing as us, and I suspect with similar après-meal inclinations; but again, I digress. They weren't close enough to overhear but it was clear that the air between them was more than slightly flirtatious. This was emphasised when, as tends to happen, the waiter approached with a pepper grinder and, presumably, asked if the meal required seasoning. Words were said, giggles were giggled, the regular sized pepper grinder w

Word for Wednesday - Open

Open /oh-puh n/ adjective not closed or barred noun to become open to afford access My chosen word this week ties in with this week's " Quote Quest " prompt which is: And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~ Sylvia Plath Now, this is something I agree with. As bloggers, and particularly as sex-bloggers, we tend to be open about things (possibly to the point of oversharing sometimes) that many people find uncomfortable discussing.  We talk freely about our turn-ons and turn-offs, we talk about our kinks and fetishes, we discuss our relationships in great and (sometimes literally) painful detail. on the whole, I believe this is a good thing. The thing about being open though, is that it cuts both ways. If you are comfortable expressing your opinions on subjects, you need to be open to the fact that some peop

TMI Tuesday: July 21, 2020 - Random

I haven't done one of these in a very long time, so here goes... What movie can you watch over and over and never tire? I think you can get tired of any movie if you watch it often enough. In my youth, I watched "Restless Natives" (a film about a pair of Scottish "highwaymen" he dress up as a clown and a wolf-man and hold up buses of tourists in the Highlands) so often I could quote it almost verbatim. It really is a mood thing. Films in my "most watched" list tend to be either genre classics like Alien/Aliens or in the "so shit they're brilliant" category like Dodgeball or Kingsmen. Who is someone you only met once but they left a big impression on you? Former Scotland Rugby captain, David Sole. I was amazed how such a "giant" on the field could be such a humble and unassuming guy off it. It was one of those, if I didn't recognise him from his on field performances, I'd probably never even have noticed he was in th

Here's Watching You...

I may have mentioned that I enjoy all aspects of the great outdoors; and when I say "all", that does include having sex . I think it's fair to say I have a bit of an exhibitionist streak (all puns intended), and such activities do, irrespective of whether I'm actually being observed or not, feed that side of my personality. The thing about about al fresco fornication is not that you are being observed, it's the fact that by doing out there in the open , there is the chance that you might be observed. I would go as far as to say that the " near miss " possibly gives more of an edge to the proceedings than actually being caught does. I can only recall one instance where I can, with a reasonable degree of certainty, be certain that I was caught in the act. It was a particular warm, late summer/early autumn afternoon, we were walking through a forest trail somewhere in the Scottish Borders and the mood just came upon us. We left the reasonably we